Desire
by trillion kisses
Summary: AddisonAlex fic. Set after Desire epsiode 21 season 3. Is it really over for Addison and Alex? AU
1. Chapter 1

Set after episode 3.21 Desire

Addison/Alex Pairing A/U ONE 

'You're not my girlfriend'. The words ring in my ears as I leave the hospital, it hurts, and it physically hurts. I can hear my heart beating louder and faster in my ears as if its about to rip in two. How did I get myself into that situation? How did I fall for him? He was my cocky, arrogant intern, a pain in the ass, but he turned out to be so much more; a misguided guy who really did care and wanted to do well, strong drive and determination and the way he was with Ava made my heart melt. He genuinely cared. How could I let myself believe that he wanted me? I kissed him in Joe's bar, I kissed him in the corridor, it was all me. He never really cared for me. I wipe a tear from my eye as I climb into my car at the hospital car park. I have to move on, I have to work with the guy. God, I need a drink. I pull into the hotel car park and turn off the engine. It's deadly quiet, so late everyone's asleep or tucked up in bed with people they love. I sigh and open my door grabbing my bag and lock the car heading for reception.

"Evening Miss Montgomery, how are you?" asks the man politely on reception. I sigh and take my post from him.

"Bad day, can you send me up a bottle of wine and the special deluxe chocolate basket with strawberries?" I ask and he nods picking up the phone. I smile and take my room key from him.

I open the door and look around my room, can I call it home? It may be where I live but I can't call it home. I'm lonely. I unscrew the bottle of wine that the man kindly hands me and place the basket of chocolate and strawberries on the bed. I thank him and close the door. I can't be bothered with being proper so I just take a swig from the bottle and enjoy the way the alcohol burns down my throat so I take another swig and walk to my wardrobe door. I pull out a pair of joggers, designer but still the comfiest thing I have, and a plain red rest top. Standing where I am I pull off my heels and clothes and strip off climbing into the comfortable new ones as if shedding everything that happened today and starting afresh. I shove my dirty clothes into the wash and throw myself onto my bed and open the basket. Let the party begin. Half a bottle of wine later I find myself laughing at the TV programme it's not even funny but I feel better. I feel relaxed finally and smile to myself. I can do this, I don't need anybody. Suddenly the room phone rings and I roll over to reach for it.

"Hello Seattle," I say and giggle down the phone. I'll have to apologise for that in the morning and I laugh again.

"Miss there is someone down here to see you. A male visitor, he won't give his name but he would like to come up. Do I have your permission?" he says softly and I pause. Maybe it's Mark. I could do with some comfort sex, I feel guilty about our pact but I know it wouldn't have worked out in the end. I pause again, maybe its Callie she's sent someone to cheer me up a male someone. Oh dear the alcohol has definitely kicked in. I sigh.

"Sure send him up to the party," I say and hang up. I sniff and wipe underneath my eyes and eat another chocolate almost forgetting the conversation I just had. The doorbell rings and it makes me jump causing me to burst out laughing. I stumble to the door and open it, my mouth falls open. I stare at him and don't speak for a few seconds.

"How did you…who gave you my…what?" I say and then pause.

"I rang the O'Malley's, Callie gave it to me," he says softly, "Can I come in?" he asks.

"Alex…I…um…ok," I say and open the door letting him inside.


	2. Chapter 2

He steps inside and stops staring at my bed. I look too, its covered in chocolates and tissues and strawberries. I giggle and step forward. I pick up everything from my bed and put it on the windowsill.

"Addison…" he says but I cut him off.

"I wasn't expecting visitors, I tend to eat when I've had a bad day…I'm sorry I shouldn't have," I stumble and he walks towards me. He takes my face in his hands and kisses me as if to silence me from saying something I might regret. I taste alcohol on his lips and begin to think maybe he hasn't had a great night either. He pulls away after a few seconds and drops his hands to his sides.

"I'm sorry," he says softly and I shrug my shoulders.

"For what? Kissing me just then? Turning up to my hotel room with no warning? Or making me believe…" I choke, "…making me believe that you liked me, sleeping with me and then dismissing me all in the same day?" I say and wipe away a tear from my cheek. I breathe in quickly and it shakes, I sigh loudly with frustration.

"God Alex, what do you want?" I say through tears and he looks at me.

"I'm a jerk, a complete jerk. The way I treated you was unforgivable, not just today but for a while now. We shouldn't have slept together today. I shouldn't have taken advantage of you," he says.

"God, don't you get it? You didn't, I wanted you. I wanted you to want me so badly that I convinced myself that you liked me. I used you. I'm your teacher, I shouldn't have, look Alex I cant do this right now, I cant, so can you just go!" I say hysterically and he moves closer to me again. I try to push him away with my arms but he pulls me into him and I collapse against his body exhausted, drunk and utterly hysterical. After a few minutes I stop crying and pull away.

"Addison, I didn't lead you on. I do want you, but its just I don't have the greatest track record. I'm a mess, I was bought up with parents that didn't love each other and a Dad that…its made me realise that I don't ever want to make a women feel the way my mum did. So I use women, I sleep with them; one night stands and end it. Its only recently after I met you that I realised I wanted something more than that but I don't even know where to begin. I turned you down tonight because you deserve better than this, better than me but I realised I had to tell you how I felt. Addison, I can't work miracles, I'm not perfect or even close but I'm willing to…I…I mean if you want to…" he says and I shake my head.

"Alex, you're so infuriating!" I scream and pause.

"In a good way?" he teases and I laugh, the situation instantly diffused. I sigh.

"You really want to give this a shot?" I ask and he laughs.

"Do I need to say it again? I spent the whole night rehearsing that Addison!" he says and I giggle.

"Come here," he says and I laugh at how shy I've suddenly become. I lean into kiss him and pulls away slightly.

"I warn you though, I've never learnt to BBQ," he says softly against my mouth. How does he?

"How do you…" he says and he winks and smiles.

"But I'm willing to try," he says and finally kisses me.

The feel of his lips against mine is unreal; it feels like I've been waiting a lifetime to do this again. The bar was only a teaser compared to how he is kissing me now. My whole body is electric, sparking and on fire with anticipation. Not only is he good with his lips but the way he holds me when he kisses me is unreal changing from cupping my face and kissing me softly, to grabbing me and pulling me closer kissing me with total passion. So when he pulls away I cant help but be surprised.

"Why did you stop?" I say trying to kiss him again and he kisses me softly on the lips before pulling away again.

"We shouldn't go any further. We've already had sex once today and I want the next time to be special and romantic and this is just pure wanting," he says and I giggle.

"I'll always want you," I say and he chuckles.

"Addison I'm going to go," he says and kisses my cheek but stops when he notices the tears in my eyes and runs one hand down my cheek.

"Please don't leave me again," I say and he pulls me into his arms.

"I'll stay tonight as long as you can keep your hands to yourself," he jokes and I laugh against his chest.

"Ok," I whisper and pull back. He kisses me softly again. I take his hand and lead him to the bed.

"I'm going to get changed in the bathroom," I say and he nods. I let go off his hand at the last possible minute as I walk to the bathroom and smile shyly as I close the door to the bathroom behind me.

**I know both chapters have been quite short but I've had quite a lot of work. I'm starting work on the next chapter, which should be longer definitely. Hope you enjoyed, please leave a review and keep reading. Thanks.**


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